You know you need a pasta flask. H/t to Futility Closet.

This alternative to fur.

Why we need it: If you're sick of not being able to show off and wear your hamster, this invention is for you. It's conceivably also for "mice..., gerbils, snakes, and, possibly even insects." Bee vests are sure to be the next runway trend.

Brice Belisle / google.com

This musical condom.

Why we need it: You can make condoms an even more effective birth control method by using this "amusement device" to "emit a predetermined melody, or voice message" during sex. The patent even appropriately suggests "My Ding-A-Ling" as a preset tune for your lovemaking.

Paul Lyons / google.com

This super fun children's game.

Why we need it: This fun little game depicts "effigies of notorious criminals" standing on blocks in front of a catapult, from which the players shoot missiles to knock them down. Interactive execution is WAY more fun than Monopoly.

Eugene Graves and William Brown / google.com

This hipster bicycle attachment.

Why we need it: Supposedly this sail attachment intends to harness the power of the wind for a bicycle or something. The inventor probably knew that the cyclist with the most ridiculous gear earns the most respect.

Joseph J. Beck / google.com

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