I’m not worthy, but also, like, whatever.

The 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards happened last night, and I, a plebe who can't walk in heels, attended. This is what I learned.

First up was the red carpet. My co-worker Keith and I were there to breathalyze people on the carpet. This *is* after all Hollywood's biggest party night of the year, and we expected them to be somewhat intoxicated. Most people were walking the carpet disappointingly sober. I will never understand this.

I wore lipstick and a dress that I'm going to be returning to the store tomorrow. I am not famous and was not offered a free gown. I will return this dress guilt-free. Keith wore a tuxedo that he's owned since high school. Sorry Keith, forgive me for exposing you.

The red carpet of the Globes is just as clusterfucky as it looks on TV and the area is smaller. At one point Kate Beckinsale was standing one foot away from me on my right, I turned my head to gasp at the fact that Kate Beckinsale was standing one foot away from me on my right, and when I turned it back, Kate Beckinsale had been replaced by Jessica Chastain. I was OK with it. I also said hi to Al Roker before the carpet got too crowded. He was friendly. He makes me love the weather.

View Entire List ›