“If you like IPA’s, you have a beard.”

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"If you drink André, you still buy all of your party dresses from Forever 21."

"You don't wear tights in the winter."

"You probably don't know how to take a jello shot."

"No, if you drink André, you definitely do."

"Wait — how do you take a jello shot?"

"If you drink real champagne, you have more than 2K followers on Instagram."

"You make reservations at restaurants, you don't just show up."

"Or they're like, ~expecting you.~"

"You have tailored clothing."

"You're always pulled together, even when you're hammered."

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"People who drink Gin & Tonics are always the bridesmaid, never the bride."

"You always flirt with the bartender."

"Oh my God, I do. But to be fair, the bartender is always the cutest person at the bar."

"See?"

"If you drink Gin & Tonics, everyone in your family probably wears matching footie pajamas."

[long silence]

"What?"

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