We love you, but some of the things you do are just weird.

1. The popularity of the long-running, incredibly tedious Radio 4 drama The Archers. Eavesdropping on your neighbours is more exciting. Phoning your great-aunt is more exciting. Even silence is more exciting.

2. Being snobby about the different words for "toilet". Whether you call it the "loo" or the "lav", it's where you pee and poo. End of.

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3. Being snobby about the different words for furniture. So that thing that you sit on when you watch TV – is that the sofa or the settee?

4. The way "common" sometimes means "vulgar". That particular usage, with all its Nicky Haslam snobbery, is bizarre.

5. How weird you all are about flags. So adorning your armchair in Cath Kidston Union Jack cushions is OK but hanging St George's flag out of your window is not. Is that right?

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